Expectations

EXPECTATIONS

I remember sitting in a class a few years ago, discussing expectations.   The Instructor started out by telling us a story about a couple, where the wife normally did all the housework, cooking, etc, but one day, when the husband wanted to have his male friends over to watch a sports game, he straightened things up, picked up the food he wanted to serve at the grocery store and took care of things. Then for the rest of that sports season, he had his friends over once a week to watch the game and continued straightening up before hand and picking up the food.  Then the season ended.  All of sudden, his wife was upset with him and he couldn’t understand why. 

He had built an expectation in her mind that once a week, he was going to straighten things up and pick up dinner.  In her mind, the expectation had nothing to do with the sports schedule, but rather with the repetitive nature of once a week, he was now handling things one evening a week and she didn’t need to.

How many of us, have set expectations of what our spouse, coworkers, or others are going to do on a set time and day?   From getting up in the morning and getting ready for work to the routines we follow at bedtime, to who always seems to start the coffee at the office, we live our lives based on our expectations of what others around us will do.

I feed the birds.  The birds expect me to keep the bird feeders full.  When I don’t, they perch outside my window and give me the evil eye and if I don’t rectify the situation to their satisfaction, they desert me for awhile until I have made proper amends.

 Parents who nurtured and cared for others, accepting our diverse friends and welcoming them into our homes, set a totally different expectation then parents who insisted that we “not associate with so and so” and who wouldn’t allow us to participate in activities that weren’t up to “THEIR” standards.

Parents who provide an empty canvas, then let their children fill it, rather than a paint by the numbers kit where the final product has to be picture perfect.

Parents who encourage their children to help fix dinner and set the table, while chatting about their day, vs parents who never take time to ask their children about how the child's day went. Who brush off imaginary friends rather than setting a place at the table for them.

As I think about the expectations that parents give their children, I wonder how the children of today will end up., compared to the generations before them.

We’ve gone from the creativity of the 50 and 60’s where the entire neighborhood was our playground and we played outside from when school ended till dinner time with a stick or empty box that could become anything our minds could create; to the “free love” generation where we demanded our independence and to be heard; to the latch key kids who learned self reliance and computers skills while their parents were at work; to the children who got trophies for joining a team, even if they never showed up or participated in the activity. We have children now, whose days are so scheduled, that it makes their parents work schedules look barren – music lessons here, sports there, after school activities, and so much more, with a pressure to excel at everything they try in order to get into the “BEST” preschool, then elementary, on up the chains that bind them to the best universities so they can get the BEST jobs, but who never knew the freedom to roam their neighborhood and meet the kids 2 blocks over because “it’s not safe” and who never learned how to imagine and create without the tools of a cell phone or tablet helping them

I’m being Stereotypical, I know.  There are some parents who encourage their children to learn from playing, yet I watch babies who can’t walk yet, but are given their parents smart phones to play with. I fear that they may grow up knowing computers inside and out, but will they be able to relate to the people around them one on one?

A few years ago, after the fall of the Berlin Wall, there was a study done of children who had grown up in orphanages in the “Eastern Bloc” where adult interaction was minimal. The children’s diapers were changed when they HAD to be, they were fed only until they could hold their bottles and feed themselves. The children grew up not being able to relate to other human beings. They didn’t understand what a smile meant or a hug, more importantly, they didn’t understand the concepts of empathy and sympathy, friendship and love, because they never had the expectation of those emotions from the adults responsible for them. 

I'm praying for more free play time and less structured time for the children I see around me.